do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
