Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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