I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
