mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
