Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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