she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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