You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
