Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Someone signed my nipple.
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