I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
