based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
