I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
