i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
