I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
