im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
