john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
