happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
