It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
