My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
