My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
