Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
