Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
