I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize