Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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