my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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