It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
