ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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