I can tuck mytits in my pants
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
