the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
