You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
