I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
