Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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