I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
