i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
