It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
