the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
