I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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