Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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