did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
