We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
