She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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