I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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