Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
