I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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