organizing the empties. That sober.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
