i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
