I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
