there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
