My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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