he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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