anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We need to get me chipped asap
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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