I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
