I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
