Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
