I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize