just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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