My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
