I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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