UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
