Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
