Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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