I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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