Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
