shes about as inviting as chlamydia
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
