Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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