I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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