You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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