You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
