Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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