Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
