a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
