I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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